My inherent rights as a participant in this I-Group
Intention: Facilitators in this I-group are men who are dedicated to supporting the personal work of other group members. Facilitators lead best by following, supporting, and facilitating processes. However, each man has flaws and can misuse his authority from shadow or inexperience. To create a safe, healing, yet challenging I-Group container, it is vital that each man respect the sacred boundaries of every member of the group and avoid shaming and re-wounding. The following are the rights of each I-Group participant during any process that may occur during an I-group meeting. Keep them in mind to protect men from the potential of a facilitator using his authority in an inappropriate way.
- I have the right to say no to any process. I may pass at any time. I may be challenged on my choice but it remains my choice and I can choose what is right for myself in the moment.
- I have the right to request feedback, to ask for feedback from only certain men, or to ask for no feedback at all. If feedback is offered to me unsolicited I have the right to refuse it. A good way to refuse feedback is to interrupt and say, “Thank you, but I really don’t want any feedback right now.”
- I have the right to define how I want my process facilitated. I am aware at all times, that it is my process. I decide who will facilitate. I decide whether or not others can help facilitate and how I would like them to interact with my chosen facilitator(s). Facilitators who have checked their egos at the door will know that this is not a popularity contest and will respect my choices.
- I have the right to physical safety. If at any point, during any process (mine or another man’s), I believe my physical safety is compromised or might be compromised I have the right to stop the process. It is best if my group agrees on a designated signal, in advance, that will be used to stop a process. “Stop” or “safety” are commonly used.
- The facilitators have a responsibility to follow where I lead; I am the co-leader of my process. I have the right to not agree with the expected outcome of the facilitator or the group if I am being directed in a way that I don’t want to go. I may stop my process at any time and change the direction.
- If a man clears an issue with me, I understand that the issue is about him and I have the right to not own the issue. While what the man says may be contain truth(s) about me, the purpose of a clearing is to free him of any emotional charge, and not for me to own some or all of that issue.
- If a man asks me for accountability around and issue, I have the right to (1) disagree with the data the man presents; and (2) challenge the man to clear if he begins to judge or clearly has an emotional charge.
“I thank and honor Shawn Cummings for his wisdom, diligence, and commitment to seeing this effort through. Also, kudos to Bruce Gold and Bill Kauth for their vision to suggest and support the development of these guidelines for the new men in I-Groups. I Hope that the men in the MKP-I I-Group Communities find these guidelines useful in their efforts to heal and live more effectively in their missions.”
In Service, Chris Giatras, Two Crows Spirit Coyote Former I-Group Council Leader MKPLA Posted 10.13.2003